Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Kev was miserable in the hospital. He was scared and despite me being there almost all of his waking hours, he missed his boys, he missed his life.

The colonoscopy showed a large tumor in the sigmoid colon that was near obstruction. The metastises in his liver were extensive. We still had hope. Take the tumor out of the colon and resect the liver. I told him he was lucky that it was a regenerating organ that had this, that we'd be able to beat this.....

Little did I know, another ball was about to drop.......

Too much disease in the liver they said, no surgical options, chemo would be palliative.

I sat there looking at this surgeon, again the sounds of my world crashing down so loud all I wanted to do was run. I didn't. I sat there holding my belly praying the little ears of our unborn child couldn't hear what was being said about daddy, tears streaming down my face. It was then that I got angry. How dare they tell me there is no hope.. how dare they imply I will be a widow in two dare they tell him he probably would not be here for the birth of our child.

I screamed.....I screamed profanities...then I grew quiet. Kev and I walked to his room, gathered his things and walked hand in hand out of the hospital.

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