Where has the time gone? I can't believe it has been since February that I last sat down and was able to gather my thoughts. As much as I try to take something from each day that passes, sometimes in the busy crazy mess that is life, it still manages to go by in a blurr. I don't want it to. I remember telling my friend who recently got married to stop as she walked down the aisle and say to herself "remember this"....I find myself doing that several times throughout the day.
Kev's scan results in March were not great so we were led into the world of treatment options, chemo or what was called chemo beads. The chemo beads are surgically implanted in the liver to give a more concentrated bout of chemo to the organ instead of travelling throughout the body. It sounded good on paper until we found out that it would take the possibility of surgery off the table permanently as it would leave the bead casing in his liver. Kev decided to go back on systemic chemo again, though this time a different drug, the neuropathic side effects of the last one still plaguing him.
There we were, back at chemo, familiar faces charmed by Tadhgan, at this time seven months old. Most had not seen him since three months. He did not disappoint, lighting a rather dark situation with his quick grin and mischievous nature. Like he did in my belly, he kept me going those first months back, a bright spot to focus on. kev was very ill right from the get go. The second cycle he was sick in the middle of treatment with no respite for days. He had five cycles before the last scan, and he bravely fought his way through them, scared but still so determined to beat this any way he can.
The last scan results were confusing. Almost all of the tumours had shrunk, with the exception of one, which had minimal growth. I don't know what this means exactly but I would be lying if I said that the word growth doesn't make me nervous. Glass half full, I prefer to focus on all that had shrunk, to remember that this means that over all there is less cancer in his body.
We are now trying to see through the last few cycles of chemo, intertwined with the joy of what we call birthday season. Quinlan turning 8, Cian turning 5 and Tadhgan turning 1. It's all happening in the next three weeks culminating with my starting school on July 9th. So much goodness to focus our thoughts on, just please don't be a blurr.....stop. Remember this...........