Sunday, 10 April 2011
Sunday again, and how I long for the easy days of my former life. I can't believe how difficult I thought it was to organize two little boys off to school in the morning. That is now the easy part of my day. It was another chemo week, and it started with peaceful calm, the smoothness of the last treatment in the forefront of our minds as we made the trek to Sunnybrook. Kev felt better, stronger and more assured. We know the lingo now, can speak cancer and med, and know where we have to be and what to expect. It doesn't make it a faster process however, so we were there again watching the slow drip go into his chest port for what seemed a lifetime. In reality it was five and a half hours. Again they finished with the first part, hooking up the bottle that would accompany us home. This time we were prepared with the canvas bag that would hold the bottle securely to his side. Much better than the make-shift bag we had to contend with last round. Dare I think that things are looking up? I should know better by now. It wasn't as easy this time. The waves of nausea washed over Kev for hours, stretched into days. He was very weak and exhausted. He slept for the better part of the next two days. Thankfully I had the support of his mom who came to sit with him when I was out with the kids. Keeping their lives as unaffected as possible is becoming more challenging, their questions becoming a little more frequent, a little harder to answer. All I have been able to say so far is that Daddy is sick and that we are trying to fix him. They have now accepted the fact that nurse Kay comes to help Dad's tummy, Cian even going as far as watching Kev as his colostomy bag was changed and the chemo bottle unhooked. He seemed so unfazed by it all, matter of fact in his fascination. At the end of it he simply stated that Daddys tummy was better for now, then looking up at Kay said "I'll see you next week". In the coming days Kev got some relief from the nausea and started to feel better. He looks like he is gaining a bit of weight, though his energy is still so low. I have to focus on baby steps. It worked in the movie What About Bob, it'll work for me. My mom is doing the whole baby step thing, and it seems to be working for her. Today is Sunday and for the first time in a long time I got to see her. She was still on the ventilator, but awake. I sat with her for a few hours holding her hand, telling her stories of the boys, assuring her that Dad is doing well, just catching her up. They hope to take the ventilator out tomorrow morning. I find myself longing to hear her voice. Baby steps. It'll work for me...as long as the baby steps are going forward I don't care how small they are.