Monday, 18 April 2011
Another week has gone by, and though the time seems to be moving at a normal pace it still seems slow in my mind. There are two dates that are looming, creating this snails pace that I am living in, one being Kev's new scans, the other the birth of our third child. Both events are momentous, both will dictate the direction our lives are moving in. Kev has been, dare I say, better this week It was again an off chemo week so my hopes were high that he would experience the baby steps forward we have come to rely on. He did. His colour is better and it looks like he is gaining weight...his face not as gaunt as it has been. We have settled into some sort of routine, each of us wading through daily life all the while ignoring in some ways the elephant in the room. We have taken to talking not of the cancer, but of life. Our conversations are not about meds and appointments but of hopes and dreams. We talk about future projects, upcoming events, the warmth of the coming summer. Neither of us are hiding away from reality, it just seems like we have both come to the conclusion that we are doing everything we can to fix this cancer thing, and that the answers we are seeking will be here soon enough. May 9th, the day they re-do the scans, will be here whether we focus on the date or not. I know for me, not focusing on that date has helped me regain some of my sanity. My heart believes it will be a day of celebration. I cannot afford to think any differently. My mom is experiencing the same baby steps. She is breathing on her own, and they are trying to get her out of ICU and into a normal room. She actually walked to the nurses station and called me with their phone. It was great to hear her voice. It is monday, chemo looms in front of us, round three tomorrow early in the morning. I will take some of this lightness in my heart with us as we again work through the drip, hoping and praying that these baby steps forward continue. It is where our thoughts have to be.