It was a crazy week. We started out with the scan on monday, and both Kev and I were anxious when we arrived at sunnybrook to have the procedure done. Like all other times we have spent there, it took way longer than we had expected. Hours longer in fact. Neither of us could decide if we were happy or scared of the results. We didn't know how to feel at that point.
In the next days Kev was scared. He was about to get a new set of answers, life and death answers, and this hung over both of us like a dark cloud making us over emotional about even the smallest detail of our lives. On tuesday Kev took both boys to school, came home and sobbed in my arms for the first time since this whole ordeal began. It was hitting us, the fact that we had done all we could do to change course, it was out of our hands. The weight of it all was getting harder and harder to bear. He could no longer put on a brave face for me. It brought us closer to realize we were both in turn trying to protect the other. Standing in our kitchen, clinging to eachother, sobbing together did more good than harm.
Somehow we made it through the weekend. It really was cruel that we had such a long wait. Test results hadn't been going our way, the last time we sat in the doctors office to listen to results it was catastrophic. When the leafs are losing, many fans like myself are inclined to change things up, put the jersey on backwards, change the karma. Was it crazy then that when I woke up that tuesday morning I put on a piece of clothing inside out? I think not.
Again a long wait ensued, but this time it was worth it. The doctors were smiling. It was good. There had been a significant reduction in all of the tumors, between thirty and forty percent. It was an above average response to treatment that they couldn't exactly explain but they would take. We both felt like we were walking on air as we left, the good news replaying over and over in our heads and out loud. As I write this, neither of us have stopped smiling.
They want another round of chemo. Hopefully the results from this round will be duplicated. It is then that we will have another scan and hopefully talk to the surgeon about cutting the rest of this disease out. Palliative is out, life is back in. Chemo starts again on tuesday, but this time I will have a slightly lighter step when on my way to sunnybrook....maybe even a little smile on my face.